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Is This Person Right for Me? Understanding Compatibility in Arranged Marriages

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Is This Person Right for Me? Understanding Compatibility in Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages have long been a part of tradition and culture in many parts of the world. While the concept of letting family or a third party select a potential life partner may seem strange or undesirable to some, it works very well for millions of people globally.

With open communication and understanding each other’s values, arranged marriages can be just as loving and successful as romantic relationships.

However, determining compatibility with a stranger who your family has proposed can feel daunting. How do you know if they are truly a good match for your personality, goals and lifestyle?

In this post, I will explore some important factors to consider when assessing whether someone could be the right partner for you in an arranged setting. Let’s dive in.

Getting to Know Each Other on a Deeper Level

The initial meetings with a potential arranged partner will likely involve surface-level conversations to get a first impression. But compatibility cannot be truly assessed until delving deeper.

Make a point of using subsequent interactions to discuss meaningful topics that reveal your core values, priorities and worldviews. Some areas of discussion could include:

Goals and Ambitions – Discuss each other’s educational and professional achievements so far as well as future aspirations. Look for alignment on drive levels and compatibility of long term career vs family goals.

Family and Relationships – Share views on closeness with extended family, expectations of in laws and priorities around children. Also discuss past relationship patterns.

Lifestyle and Interests – Compare hobbies, favorite activities, how you like to spend leisure time and travel interests. Compatible lifestyles outside of work are important for companionship.

Beliefs and Values – Have respectful conversations about religious, spiritual and political perspectives. Look for congruence on ethics, social issues and outlooks on life.

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Communication Styles – Observe how the other person expresses themselves. Are habits in discussions a good match with your own approach? An ability to openly share is key.

Only by delving into discussions on values, beliefs and deeper personality traits can you understand if you are fundamentally compatible as partners or would constantly clash on core issues. Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions in order to assess true fit beyond superficial factors.

Understanding Emotional Compatibility

Beyond just compatibility of interests and views, an ability to emotionally connect with a partner and bring out the best in each other will make or break a marriage. Thus, it’s important to observe the following factors:

Empathy and Understanding – Do they show care for your feelings, opinions and struggles? Can they see issues from your perspective? An empathetic listener is crucial.

Temperament and Patience Levels – Arguments will happen in any marriage. See how the other copes with stress and resolves conflicts calmly. Incompatibilities here could lead to constant friction.

Trust and Dependability – Do they keep commitments and follow through on promises? Can you foresee relying on each other during tough times? Trust is the foundation of any healthy bond.

Enjoyment of Time Together – Note how interactions and quality time unfolds. Is conversation easy and gratifying or do silences feel awkward? Compatible personalities simply click.

Physical Intimacy – While intimacy expectations vary, discuss boundaries to see comfort levels align. Mismatched desires here can damage the relationship.

Gauge these “soft” factors through natural discussions rather than calculated questions. Observe how well your personalities, feelings and strengths complement each other. Emotional intelligence is as important as compatibility of interests.

Asking the Difficult Questions

While convention discourages bringing up difficult past topics, addressing potential issues upfront is better than unearthing problems later. With compassion and understanding, discuss the following openly:

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Past Relationships – Were there any marriages, affairs, divorces? How did past experiences shape views on commitment? Address concerns respectfully.

Mental Health – Discuss conditions like depression sensitively. Hide nothing that could affect the relationship. Support is key for any preexisting issues.

Financial Expectations – Clarify budgets, spending habits, views on loans/debts. Resolve differences here to avoid future instability.

Life Goals – Address dreams that may involve relocation. Agree on balancing individual aspirations with commitment.

Family Dynamics – Share perspectives on in laws and parenting styles. Respecting differences is important.

Be understanding yet discerning. Watch for red flags or information that suggests you could be completely incompatible later. Address concerns patiently for clarity rather than making accusations.

Assessing Compatibility Over Time

Compatibility cannot be fully determined in a few meetings – it must unfold over weeks and months of interactions in varied contexts:

Social Settings – Observe comfort levels in group situations like family events, friend gatherings. Look for ability to complement each other’s social personalities.

Daily Routines – Note interactions during mundane tasks like grocery shopping or home chores. Gauge attitude towards duties and distribution of labor.

Stressful Moments – Watch dynamics when under pressure due to work stress, health issues. Note conflict resolution, empathy and patience.

Leisure Activities – Participate in hobbies together. Look for enjoyment of shared interests beyond small talk conversations.

Long Discussions – Have in depth multi hour conversations on values, ethics and problem solving abilities. Assess chemistry beyond surface level comfort.

Give sufficient time, from weeks to months, for a true picture to emerge rather than making rushed decisions. Compatibility is built through varied experiences, not instant attraction. Observe consistency in behaviors over different situations.

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Trust Your Gut Feelings

While logically assessing compatibility is important, listening to inner instincts should not be ignored either. Pay attention to intuitive signs such as:

  • Are interactions generally comfortable and gratifying or do you feel drained?
  • Do you look forward to subsequent meetings or feel anxious about interactions?
  • Do silences feel companionable or is it constantly an effort to keep conversation going?
  • When alone do positive, inspiring thoughts about the person come to mind or nagging doubts?

If gut feelings suggest unease or incompatibility, explore reasons thoughtfully rather than suppressing concerns. Inner discomfort could point to unresolved issues needing discussion.

Similarly, note any excitement, attraction or sparks – positives that give hope for the relationship. Our subconscious picks up cues beyond logical rationale.

Making the Final Choice

Once sufficient interactions and assessments are complete, the following steps can help make the final choice:

Review Thoughtfully – Compile observations on compatibility across key factors discussed, including gut feelings.

Discuss With Family – Get inputs from parents/siblings who also interacted with the person for an outside view.

Talk To Partner – Share perspectives respectfully. Note willingness to address concerns and potential for compromise.

Give It Time – If unsure, take time apart to mull over before committing. Rushed decisions often involve overlooking red flags.

Follow Your Heart – At the end, listen to inner wisdom on your true comfort levels with this person as spouse given your life goals and dreams.

Having clarity on what truly constitutes compatibility while respecting individuality will lead to wise, informed choices. With understanding, patience and thorough assessment, arranged marriages have the potential for life-long happiness and partnership.

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