Home Relationship How to Stop Being Desperate for a Relationship

How to Stop Being Desperate for a Relationship

How to Stop Being Desperate for a Relationship

Being desperate for a relationship is completely normal and common, especially when you are feeling lonely. However, desperation can actually work against your goals and potentially lead you to make poor choices that don’t serve your long-term well-being and happiness.

Everyone wants to feel loved and connected to another person, but learning how to be comfortable and confident on your own is key to attracting the right partner when the time is right.

In this comprehensive blog post, we will explore why we often feel desperate for relationships and what we can do instead. We’ll define self-worth and examine how developing a strong sense of self is crucial for overcoming desperation.

I’ll also discuss effective strategies for coping with loneliness and filling your time with meaningful activities outside of dating. Finally, we’ll cover tips for adjusting your mindset and behaviors to become a more secure, grounded individual who is ready for a healthy relationship when the opportunity arises.

By the end, my hope is that you feel empowered to stop chasing relationships and instead focus on personal growth and enjoyment. Let’s get started!

Why Do We Feel Desperate?

Before learning how to overcome desperation, it’s important to understand where those feelings are coming from. Some of the main reasons we crave relationships so intensely include:

Loneliness and Lack of Social Support: When we spend a lot of time alone without close friends or family, it’s natural to yearn for intimacy, affection, and companionship from a romantic partner. However, relying solely on a relationship to fulfill these needs often backfires.

Low Self-Worth: Many people desperately seek relationships because they haven’t fully developed self-love and a strong sense of identity independent from others’ opinions. Low self-esteem causes us to define our self-worth through whether we’re dating someone.

Fear of Being Single: Society constantly bombards us with messages that a relationship is the key to happiness and fulfillment. As a result, many of us dread the idea of being single and view it as a failure. This fear fuels desperation.

ALSO READ:  Why Do Men Randomly Stop Trying in Relationships?

Poor Emotional Regulation: If loneliness triggers intense negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, or depression, it’s easy to become overly reliant on dating to alleviate those feelings. But relationships should complement our lives, not complete them.

Unrealistic Expectations: Desperation often stems from viewing a partner as the “solution” to all life’s problems rather than an addition. No one person can fulfill every one of our needs. Healthy relationships require two secure individuals.

As you can see, desires for intimacy are normal but over-relying on romance to solve deeper issues usually backfires. The key is addressing root causes like loneliness, self-esteem, emotional maturity, and outlook on life with a partner versus alone. Keep reading to learn how!

Developing Self-Worth and an Identity Outside of Dating

True confidence and the ability to avoid desperation comes from developing self-worth that isn’t dependent on being in a relationship. You must see intrinsic value in yourself simply for who you are – not based on external factors like whether you’re dating. Here are some ways to build self-worth:

Focus on Personal Growth and Goal Achievement

Accomplishing meaningful goals, big or small, is enormously empowering for self-esteem. Stay busy bettering yourself through education, career progression, hobbies, personal projects, self-improvement challenges and more. Achieving benchmarks reminds you of your capabilities apart from dating status.

Practice Self-Care and Self-Validation

Make daily time for relaxing activities you find fulfilling like exercise, meditation, nature walks, journaling and hobbies. Treat yourself with compassion – talk to yourself as you would a loved one. Understand you’re whole with or without a partner.

Spend Time with People Who Appreciate You

Nurture relationships with friends and family who lift you up and appreciate you for who you are. Their support provides external validation to counter loneliness while you work on self-acceptance. Quality social connections curb desperation.

ALSO READ:  How Love Can Transforms Your Entire Being

Define Your Identity Outside of Relationships

Consider your core values, personality traits, talents and worldview. What makes you uniquely you? Journal to better understand yourself without framing identity through romantic lenses. An internal sense of self reduces reliance on dating for purpose.

Internalizing self-worth takes daily conscious effort but pays off tremendously in confidence and emotional security – both crucial for healthy, fulfilling partnerships down the line. Make yourself a top priority right now.

Filling Your Time with Meaningful Solo Activities

While developing independence, it’s also critical to actively fill your time with enjoyable solo activities that satisfy your important needs for intimacy, affection, fun and personal fulfilment – without desperation for a romantic partner. This alleviates loneliness and prevents excessive focus on dating. Consider:

Enjoy Cultural Events Alone
Attend concerts, plays museums, lectures and expos with an open mindset. Appreciate solitude while stimulating your curiosity.

Get a Pet
Caring for an animal satisfies needs for unconditional love, affection and responsibility. Pets decrease anxiety, depression and blood pressure from loneliness.

Get Creative
Express yourself through music, art, creative writing, photography, cooking or other hobbies. Creativity boosts well-being and patience.

Volunteer in Your Community
Giving back through non-profits provides a sense of purpose while combating isolation through social bonds. Volunteer opportunities abound.

Develop New Interests and Skills
Try new activities to expand your horizons and network like language exchange meetups, sports clubs, dance classes or skillshare communities.

Travel Solo or with Friends
Broaden perspectives through exposure to diverse cultures, histories and natural wonders. Solo travel boosts independence tremendously.

The key is discovering pursuits you’re passionate about versus just filling time. Immerse yourself in activities, events and communities where you genuinely enjoy the process as well as the social bonds that often develop. Your rich, fulfilling solo life will radiate confidence attractive to potential partners.

ALSO READ:  Is Relationship More Important Than Friendship?

Adjusting Your Mindset for Healthier Dating Dynamics

Desperation usually stems from thoughts, beliefs and behaviors we’ve developed over time. Recalibrating requires awareness and conscious effort to replace limiting narratives. Here are some mindset shifts to cultivate:

Accept Singleness Joyfully
See value in solo periods of growth versus something to anxiously fear and avoid. You’re whole without dependency on another.

Focus on Yourself, Not Finding “The One”
Internal validation and self-care should top priorities not finding your purpose or salvation through dating. Rely on yourself first.

View Partnership, Not Ownership
Healthy relationships require two secure individuals to compliment – not complete – each other. Focus on sharing versus controlling or possessing someone.

Embrace Authentic Connection
Stay true to yourself and only date people who genuinely appreciate your authentic qualities versus projecting expectations to fill voids.

Find Contentment Within
Happy people attract like partners. Work on feeling happy, fulfilled and whole on your own terms before seriously dating to attract secure matches.

Adjusting behaviors likewise involves setting boundaries to avoid desperate actions like constant initiation, oversharing too soon or tolerating poor treatment hoping for intimacy. Have high respect for yourself and what you will accept from others. Confident people exude allure without desperate efforts to please.


Conquering desperation for relationships takes daily awareness, diligent effort and time. But as you work on developing self-worth beyond partnered status, crafting rich solo lives and adjusting mindsets, you’ll exponentially increase poise, confidence and clarity in dating without unhealthy dependency.

\- you simply want a compatible partner to share your already wonderful life with, not someone to complete you. Stay committed to personal growth and the right healthy relationship will come. You’ve got this!


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here