Home Marriage How to Put Your Spouse First In Marriage (Ultimate Secret)

How to Put Your Spouse First In Marriage (Ultimate Secret)

How to Put Your Spouse First In Marriage (Ultimate Secret)

Today easy to get caught up in our own lives and fall short when it comes to prioritizing our spouse. However, research consistently shows that committed spouses who make each other a top priority experience greater relationship satisfaction and tend to stay married longer.

As the old saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life.” But putting your spouse first is about more than just keeping peace – it’s a key factor in building a strong partnership based on mutual care, respect and trust.

In this article, I will share some of the most impactful ways to genuinely put your spouse first based on social science research and recommendations from marriage experts.

Right from adjusting your mindset to making quality time together a non-negotiable, these strategies can help any couple strengthen their bond when consistently practiced. So whether you’ve been married several years or just tied the knot, keep reading to learn how prioritizing your partner can take your relationship to the next level.

Make Your Spouse a Top Priority Each Day

The foundation of putting your spouse first starts from within. You have to consciously decide they are a top priority in your life and schedule time for them each day just like any other important commitment. This requires making a fundamental shift in your mindset from focusing solely on your own needs and schedule to also considering your partner’s needs, wants and feelings.

Some helpful mantras to repeat daily include: “How can I show my spouse they are valued today?” and “What little things can I do to make their life easier?”

Having this other-centered mindset means carving out time just for them, not letting work or screens interfere with quality relationship time, and actively listening without judgment when they share about their day. It’s about consistently communicating both big and little ways you are prioritizing them through actions as well as words.

Genuinely Listen Without Distraction

Today’s tech-filled world has sadly made true connection and presence challenging for many couples. When was the last time you gave your spouse your undivided attention without distraction? Putting away devices and making eye contact signals you value what they have to say.

Some experts even recommend setting technology boundaries such as no phones at the dinner table. Try making a point to ask about their day and really listen by making eye contact, nodding, and asking thoughtful follow up questions. Putting away distractions conveys you prioritize understanding their thoughts, feelings and experiences. This can go a long way in strengthening emotional intimacy between partners.

Prioritize Quality Time: Set Aside Distraction-Free Date Nights

While small daily gestures are important, research shows couples who prioritize set-aside quality time together have increased relationship satisfaction over the long-term. It’s easy for date nights to fall by the wayside, but making them non-negotiable communicates you value nurturing the relationship.

Set aside distractions, have involved conversations without screens, try new activities together, and make an effort to gently resolve conflicts before bed. Even if it’s just a walk after dinner without phones, focus on being fully present with each other. Don’t forget compliments, flirting and non-sexual affection too! Making quality time together a priority boosts emotional bonding between partners.

Have a Carefully Balanced Schedule

Successfully prioritizing your spouse takes scheduling them into your calendar just like any other important commitment. Carve out set times to share quality meaningful moments each day without distractions. Block out special date nights weekly without exceptions. Make family dinners together a sacred priority unless true emergencies come up.

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Having a thoughtfully balanced schedule that accounts for partner time, self-care, kids, work and outside obligations is key. It’s about finding a rhythm of balance that makes your spouse and family a top priority without overcommitting elsewhere. If extra activities need to be cut to protect couple time, it’s usually worth it in the long run for relationship health. Your spouse will feel valued knowing you’ve carved out space specifically for them.

Offer Thoughtful Acts of Service Daily

Beyond scheduled events, putting your spouse first involves noticing little things they appreciate on a daily basis. Paying attention to what truly lifts their spirits and lessens their stress is important. This could mean anything from making their favorite coffee each morning, handling housework without being asked, planning fun weekend activities together or leaving daily notes of appreciation.

Acts of service don’t have to be grand gestures – often it’s the small thoughtful things done willingly that have the most impact. Notice what tasks they dislike or burden them and discreetly take those things over without being asked. This shows you’re looking out for their best interests and comfort, which strengthens emotional security in a relationship over time.

Show Affection Freely

In busy lives, non-sexual affection is one of the first things to fall by the wayside. However, studies show spouses who express care, compassion, gratitude and affection towards each other on a regular basis tend to be happier in their relationship.

Look for organic moments throughout the day to shower your partner with affection through smiles, hugs, quick kisses, hand holding and heartfelt “I love you”s. Try surprising them with a back rub when they’re stressed or flirtatious grins from across the room.

Acts of affection don’t need to always lead to the bedroom – they can be a way to emotionally nourish your partner and keep sparks alive through each phase of life. By making affectionate gestures frequently without hesitation, you communicate clearly they are a top priority in your heart.

Offer Emotional Support Through Life’s Ups and Downs

Committed partners who prioritize each other don’t just share in the joys – they also offer comfort and encouragement through life’s challenges and disappointments. Be someone your spouse feels safe being vulnerable with by attentively listening without judgment when they need to vent or have a problem to work through.

Hold them when they’re down, cheer their successes with them and offer motivated words of affirmation during difficulties. Make time for caring conversations where you gently push each other to become better versions of yourselves. While giving advice sparingly, unconditionally support their dreams, goals and journeys of personal growth. Offering attentive emotional support builds incredible trust that serves as the foundation for a thriving marriage.

Compromise Willingly on Big and Small Decisions

No couple fully agrees on everything. However, putting your spouse first means consistently choosing to meet them in the middle on important decisions. Find compromise through open communication without blame. Give and take is key – be willing to reconsider your stance thoughtfully if it truly means a lot to them while also asserting your needs respectfully.

Address conflicts privately in a calm manner, seek first to understand their perspective before being understood, and apologize sincerely when you’re wrong. Compromise ensures both spouses feel heard, respected and empowered in the relationship. It models healthy conflict resolution habits and prevents petty disagreements from turning into lingering bitterness over time. With patience and care for one another’s happiness, compromise protects the bonds of marriage.

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Express Gratitude Regularly

In life’s hectivity, it’s easy to take your partner for granted. However, research shows expressing gratitude towards our close ones boosts wellbeing and relationship satisfaction dramatically.

Carve out moments each week to communicate clearly why you value them, focusing on their positive qualities and traits rather than fleeting gestures. Thank them heartily for the little things that don’t go unnoticed like taking out the trash, cooking dinner or making you smile.

Express how much they enrich your life through thick and thin. Gratitude also helps curb resentment by shifting our mindset to appreciate what we do have rather than dwell on perceived lacks. By openly expressing sincere thanks, you remind your spouse they are appreciated each and every day for simply being who they are.

Enjoy Shared Experiences and Inside Jokes

Couples who prioritize creating new experiences together report having higher-quality relationships over time according to research. Make a point to develop fun indoor and outdoor hobbies you genuinely enjoy as a pair like hiking, a book club, volunteering, cooking classes or games nights. Carve out time in your balanced schedule for casual low-key dates as well as special getaways together.

Even activities as simple as going for walks while chatting can strengthen bonds. Nurture your own private jokes, terms of endearment and shared memories too. Laughter and silly connections help counteract life’s heaviness and remind you why you fell in love in the first place. Enjoying moments together deepens emotional intimacy while creating a sense of fun and whimsy in your partnership.

Limit “Me Time” Activities While Partner is Home

While date nights prioritize quality time, it’s important not to neglect your spouse even during downtimes at home. Going whole evenings ignoring your partner vegging on the couch or entirely engrossing yourself in solo hobbies sends the message they’re a low priority.

Schedule blocks to unwind separately if needed but also carve out relaxed bonding moments doing different activities under the same roof. Having your partner near, even if each doing separate things, fosters closeness. Try occasional movie nights curled up together, cooking meals side by side while chatting or doing a puzzle at the coffee table in companionable silence.

Limit solo screen time or tasks that fully disengage you from one another. Your presence together says you value just “being” with them which lays the foundation for a lifelong partnership.

Show Affection Publicly

Beyond romantic gestures at home, putting your spouse first includes showing affection when out and about together. Hold hands while grocery shopping or strolling through town. Display a warm demeanor towards them at social events, leaving no question they are a top priority in your world.

Give a quick peck on the cheek bye in busy parking lots. These little public displays do more than any words to convey to others they hold a special place in your heart and you’re proud to call them your partner. Overhearing compliments or witnessing loving exchanges also leaves a lasting warm impression on children about healthy relationships. Openly loving your spouse publicly creates an outward environment that nurtures your bond.

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Make Family a High Priority

If children enter the picture through birth or blending a family, consciously making them a top priority as a unit requires special care. Schedule regular quality time as a family through activities everyone enjoys like game or movie nights. Cook meals together, engage in household chores as a team and tackle life’s difficulties through a united front.

Make family traditions and continue date nights even with little ones. Expressing your commitment to your partner in front of kids through affection and teamwork builds security during their developmental years. Healthy family ties lay the foundation for thriving personal relationships and communities down the line when each member feels genuinely valued and supported.

Be Willing to Counseling or Workshops as Needed

While these strategies nurture most marriages when practiced with care and consistency, outside guidance may help during challenging times. Consider pre-marital or ongoing counseling workshops if hit periods of disconnection or unresolved issues to strengthen bonds proactively before problems escalate.

Therapists or spiritual mentors provide objective perspectives and tools couples can’t access independently. Counseling takes bravery and humility but saves many relationships from toxicity or dissolution. Even thriving couples benefit over the decades from periodic tune ups with a mentor for updates on keeping romance fresh or tackling age-specific stressors together as a team.

Your spouse deserves the best version of you, so seek outside wisdom freely to uphold your vows through all seasons of life. Their fulfillment as a partner is worth any investment of effort and humility.

Make Them Feel Seen and Cherished Each Day

At its core, putting your spouse first means consciously prioritizing each aspect of who they are – from their deepest insecurities, wounds, hopes, dreams and quirks that make them uniquely them. Look for authentic ways through actions great or small to consistently remind them daily that you see, respect and appreciate them for their full humanity.

Smile at their silly jokes, empathize when stressed without judgment, challenge each other respectfully to grow edges, gush over talents and bring out the best in each other every day. Finding simple opportunities to make your one special person feel truly known and cherished is the gift that nourishes their spirit.

So check in regularly, listen without distraction to what uplifts or burdens, then follow through thoughtfully in your response. Your spouse deserves nothing less than your steadfast care, respect and commitment as life’s waves ebb and flow together over decades.


While putting your spouse first does require effort and ongoing growth, the rewards far outweigh any challenges when practiced consistently. Focusing on both big picture priorities and smaller moments of care each day transforms relationships from transactional coexistence to truly feeling empowered, valued and unconditionally loved through life’s tests.

Challenge yourself to thoughtfully reflect daily on authentic ways to appreciate your partner, consciously build up their self-esteem and be quick to compromise when needed. With patience and care for one another’s happiness, a thriving partnership gives far more than it takes away.

Make choosing your spouse each day the easiest, most fulfilling decision possible. Their fulfillment is your responsibility and greatest privilege, shaping not just the bond you share but the unity, security and legacy passed to future generations walking in your hopeful footsteps together.



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