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How to Find Yourself Again in a Relationship

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How to Find Yourself Again in a Relationship

Relationships can be complicated. When you commit to another person, it’s normal to lose touch with parts of yourself as you prioritize your partner and the relationship. However, completely losing your sense of self is unhealthy.

This article will discuss strategies for rediscovering your interests, needs and identity within a relationship so you can strike a healthy balance between your partnership and individuality.

Before diving into advice, let’s define some key concepts:

Sense of self: Your understanding of your own identity, values, interests, goals and needs. This provides a feeling of being grounded in who you are.

Codependency: An excessive emotional or psychological reliance on your partner. This results in prioritizing their needs over your own.

Individuality: Qualities that make you unique as an individual human being, separate from your role in a relationship. Maintaining this is key for personal fulfillment.

Autonomy: The capacity to make your own choices and decisions to align with your needs and values, independently of your partner.

Strategies for Finding Yourself Again in a Relationship

1. Reconnect With Your Interests

When you enter a relationship, it’s easy to abandon previously enjoyed hobbies and activities. Over time, this can make you feel bored, unfulfilled or resentful. That’s why it’s crucial to make time for your personal interests, even when committed to another person.

Dedicate time every week to reengage with old hobbies you used to enjoy before your relationship. If you’ve lost touch with what interests you, try new activities until you find one that excites you. Make these activities non-negotiable parts of your routine.

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2. Foster New Friendships

Along with abandoning old hobbies, it’s common to slowly lose touch with friends when dedicating yourself to a romantic relationship. However, healthy relationships require boundaries. Spend time nurturing new meaningful friendships to diversify your support system beyond your partner.

Lean on friends to gain unbiased guidance, seek empowerment and feel wholly seen as your full self outside the context of your relationship.

If you’ve lost touch with previous friends, use shared interests to organically meet new people. Enriching yourself with diverse social connections will help you retain your sense of identity.

3. Check-In With Your Values

When prioritizing a partner, it’s possible to slowly compromise your boundaries around what you need and value. That’s why regular self-reflection around your core values and needs is so important for staying grounded in your identity.

Schedule weekly check-ins with yourself to evaluate if any core values, priorities or boundaries have been compromised to appease your partner.

Determine what needs adjusting to realign with your intrinsic beliefs and require your partner’s support shifting dynamics accordingly. Don’t lose yourself – take action to honor your dignity.

4. Practice Self-Care & Assertiveness

Neglecting self-care and asserting your needs are common symptoms of losing yourself in a relationship. Schedule regular self-care activities like exercising, journaling, alone time or weekly therapy sessions – this communicates to both yourself and your partner that you and your needs are important.

Practicing self-care empowers you to clearly determine what you need. From there, assert those needs to your partner through open communication, boundary setting and saying “no” when you disagree with something.

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Use “I statements” focused on your experience. Though uncomfortable initially, asserting your needs ultimately improves relationship health and helps you retain your voice.

5. Take Space & Social Media Breaks

Constantly being attached to your partner prevents nourishing moments of solitude required for staying centered in your identity amidst co-dependence. Occasional space allows you to check-in with your own emotions and needs.

Take periodic social media breaks and weekend trips solo or with friends. Use the space for self-reflection – determining if your needs are being met and if you feel empowered in your relationship as your authentic self.

If fears or anxiety arise when taking space, that reveals areas for you or your partner to make adjustments towards healthier interdependence.

6. Have Goals As An Individual

It’s easy to get caught up in shared goals with your partner like building a home or having kids. But focusing solely on the future “us” eclipses conscious fulfillment of your individual self in the here and now.

To prevent this, foster personal goals related to your dreams,bucket list, passion projects or places you want to visit solo – goals related explicitly to your own self-actualization.

Align regular milestones you want to achieve for just your own development and fulfillment, not the relationship’s. Share these with your partner so they can support you in showing up more fully as your best self. Keep dreaming big as an individual.

Conclusion

Losing your identity in a relationship creeps up slowly and unintentionally. Without deliberate strategies like spending time on your interests, making new friends, self-reflection and assertiveness around your needs –

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you’re at risk for excessive co-dependence, compromised values and deserted self care practices. Prioritizing your relationship too entirely eclipses personal fulfillment fueled by your unique self outside the context of “we”.

But by using the tools above, you can consciously maintain interdependence – nurturing both your relationship and individuality harmoniously. This allows you to sustainably show up and thrive as your best self.

You deserve to feel fulfilled and empowered in love – both as an individual and partner. Don’t lose sight of the vibrant human you are outside of your relationships. Reflect on strategies above to retain and nurture your inner light within even the most committed of bonds.

You’ve got this! Now take action by starting small – book a weekend trip, reach out to an old friend or sign up for a hobby that connects you to the distinct essence of who you are at your core. Invest consistently in yourself – because you are worthy.

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