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Emotional Abandonment Divorce: What You Need To Know

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Emotional Abandonment Divorce: What You Need To Know

Divorce is an emotionally taxing process for all parties involved. However, for some the pain of dissolution runs much deeper than the legalities of separating assets or determining custody agreements.

When one partner checks out of the relationship emotionally long before the actual paperwork is filed, it can leave profound wounds that influence not just the divorce proceedings but one’s ability to trust and love again in future relationships. This phenomenon is known as emotional abandonment, and it plays a significant yet underappreciated role in many divorces.

In this post, we will explore the concept of emotional abandonment in more depth, including common signs and symptoms. We’ll discuss how it differs from other types of abandonment and consider its long-term psychological impacts. Finally, we’ll offer some strategies for coping with feelings of abandonment throughout the divorce process in a healthy, constructive manner.

By gaining a clearer understanding of this issue, those experiencing emotional abandonment divorce may feel less alone in their pain and better equipped to eventually find closure.

What is Emotional Abandonment?

Emotional abandonment occurs when one partner in a relationship withdraws their love, affection, presence, care, or interest in an ongoing way. So, they may still be physically present, but their emotional investment and connection to their spouse has long since vanished.

This withdrawal is typically gradual rather than abrupt, making it challenging to pinpoint exactly when it began. All intimacy – whether romantic, emotional, or even friendly – ceases between the partners. Communication dwindles to only discussing surface-level logistics rather than feelings, dreams, or personal matters.

The abandoning partner distances themselves both physically and psychologically, becoming emotionally unavailable and disengaged from their spouse. Their spouse’s needs, wants, and feelings no longer seem to register as important to them.

Whereas other types of abandonment like parental abandonment are more definitive single acts, emotional abandonment is an ongoing process of detachment that unravels the relationship over time on an intangible level before physical separation occurs.

Distinguishing Emotional Abandonment from Other Forms

It’s worth differentiating emotional abandonment from some related yet distinct forms of relational disengagement for clarity. Physical abandonment refers to a partner literally leaving and cutting off all contact and support.

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This may coincide with emotional abandonment, but emotional abandonment can happen even if partners are still living under the same roof.

Financial abandonment is when monetary support or one’s fair share of joint expenses ceases, placing undue burdens on the abandoned partner. Again, while sometimes correlated, emotional abandonment does not require the ceasing of any material support.

Parental abandonment describes a parent completely withdrawing themselves from their child’s life. Emotional abandonment occurs specifically within romantic partnerships between consenting adults. The deep psychological effects also tend to be more severe in parental abandonment due to its influence on childhood development.

By understanding these nuanced differences, we can better pinpoint exactly what constitutes emotional abandonment and how profoundly harmful its psychological impacts are, despite lacking more tangible or definitive features of other types of abandonment.

Warning Signs Someone is Experiencing Emotional Abandonment

How can you discern if emotional abandonment is underway in your relationship? Here are some common signals to watch out for:

  • Lack of physical intimacy and affection (kissing, cuddling, sex) without understandable cause
  • Withdrawing from quality bonding time together
  • Deflections when discussing feelings, problems, or relationship needs
  • Being emotionally and psychologically distant or “checked out”
  • Lack of interest in their partner’s life beyond surface details
  • Avoiding alone time together to talk or engage in activities as a couple
  • Emotionally clinging to or confiding in others more than their partner
  • Becoming argumentative or finding frequent fault in even small matters
  • Double standards where they expect emotional support but give little in return

While any one sign may have an explanation, several persisting together over time could indicate a partner withdrawing emotionally before a physical separation happens. Taking these warning signs seriously and seeking counseling can help diagnose issues and work to reconnect emotionally before abandonment progresses further.

The Psychological Toll of Emotional Abandonment Divorce

For the partner left feeling abandoned, the impacts of emotional abandonment divorce can be profoundly damaging to one’s self-esteem, capacity for trust, and overall well-being.

Some common psychological effects include: Depression, loneliness, grief over the “death” of the relationship. Deep feelings of rejection, unworthiness, and failure at being a good partner. Lowered self-esteem from questioning what was lacking in themselves.

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Difficulty discerning whether the cause lay with them or their partner. Intense fear of abandonment resurfacing in future relationships. Trust issues that make forming new bonds challenging. Withdrawal from social life due to shame or discomfort with intimacy.

Ruminating over what went wrong, how it could have been prevented. Assuming responsibility for problems that may not have been their fault. Need for approval that leaves one vulnerable to poor relationship choices. Distrust of their own perceptions and judgement about relationships.

While divorce is rarely easy on anyone, the invisible injuries of emotional abandonment run especially deep. Its psychological wounds can persist for years if not addressed properly with self-care, counseling, and time. Partners left in its wake deserve compassion as they process such a painful experience.

Distinguishing Emotional Abandonment Grief from Depression

In the aftermath of emotional abandonment, it’s natural but also important to differentiate typical grief responses from signs of clinical depression that require professional help. Some distinctions include:

Grief:

  • Crying spells or sadness come and go in waves rather than constantly
  • Still experiencing joy or pleasure some of the time even if fleeting
  • Able to still function in daily life and relationships albeit less optimally
  • Abandonment triggers more intense reactions but daily mood is variable
  • Support system helps one process emotions and feel less alone

Depression:

  • Persistent low mood nearly every day for at least two weeks
  • Loss of interest in activities and withdrawal from others
  • Changes in appetite, sleep, energy levels, and self-worth
  • Inability to experience happiness or pleasure in life whatsoever
  • Difficulty concentrating, making decisions and carrying out tasks
  • Considering self-harm, suicide or a sense that life is no longer worth living

If you recognize signs of clinical depression, do not hesitate to seek counseling. Your mental health deserves prompt attention during such a distressing transition. With time and support, even the deepest wounds of abandonment can heal.

Coping with Emotional Abandonment During Divorce

Below are some additional recommendations for coping constructively with feelings of emotional abandonment as you navigate divorce:

Validate your own experience – Understand that your hurt reactions are normal and you did nothing wrong. Do not let gaslighting diminish your perceptions.

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Reduce contact if possible – Speaking regularly keeps abandonment wounds fresh if uncivil. Limit exchanges to co-parenting essentials via email until more distant from raw emotions.

Lean on your support system – Surround yourself with trustworthy friends and family who offer compassion, distractions, and help boost your spirits on tough days. Do not isolate or struggle alone.

Practice self-care – Get ample rest, eat healthy meals, exercise to releasefeelings physically. Limit dwelling on the past and comfort yourself through difficult transitions.

Journal your thoughts and feelings – This releases emotions constructively without burdening others. Look for patterns to gain insight on healing. Some day you may choose to forgive from a place of empowerment.

Consider counseling – A therapist can help you work through abandonment issues, set boundaries, boost confidence, reframe negative thoughts into wisdom. Their perspective prevents being stuck in rumination.

Be patient yet proactive with grief – Healing takes consistent effort over months or years. Have faith that in time you will love and trust again once feelings are processed fully and lessons learned from experience help you select healthier relationships.

Do not rush into rebounding – Allow yourself to fully feel the grief and rebuild independence before entering new partnerships. Otherwise you risk repeating unhealthy dynamics or using others to cover unresolved wounds.

Conclusion

In the aftermath of an emotionally abandonment divorce, it’s crucial to acknowledge the depth of harm done and give yourself permission to fully experience every stage of the grieving process without judgement. Have faith in both yourself and in time’s ability to ease even the deepest of wounds given proper self-care, support networks, counseling if needed, and conscious reflection on life’s hard lessons.

With diligent effort navigating each day, the pain of abandonment loses its power over you. You reclaim understanding of your innate lovability and worth beyond any partner’s ability to see it. Soon new relationships form where you are cherished as you deserve, while bittersweet memories of abandonment continue receding into a past no longer dictating your present joy or future hopes. You survive, and in surviving, truly triumph.

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