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6 Ways to Get Your Husband On Your Side

6 Ways to Get Your Husband On Your Side

Getting your husband to agree with you on important issues can be challenging at times. However, there are research-backed strategies you can use to increase the chances of him siding with you. In this post, we’ll explore 6 techniques for getting your husband on your side.

6 Ways to Get Your Husband On Your Side

1. Listen Without Defending

One of the most effective ways to get your husband on your side is by listening without defending yourself. When he shares a viewpoint different than yours, avoid the instinct to argue or provide rebuttals.

Research shows that defensive behaviors like justifying your position or attacking his actually made agreeing less likely. Instead, focus on reflecting back what he said to confirm your understanding. Summarize his point of view without criticism to build goodwill.

Once he feels heard, you can then calmly share your perspective. But starting with active listening shows respect and lays the groundwork for future agreement. Resist the urge to have the last word – focus on mutual understanding over being right.

2. Appeal To Shared Values

Instead of disagreeing on specifics, frame the discussion around your shared values and long-term goals as a couple. Refer to your mutual interest in the well-being of your family or your vision for retirement together.

Research finds discussing topics in terms of shared ethics and priorities makes people much more open to concessions. It satisfies our psychological need to feel consistent in our beliefs.

Say something like “I know we both want what’s best for the kids. Let’s find a solution that supports that.” Appealing to your underlying unity guides problem-solving versus clashing over minutiae.

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3. Suggest, Don’t Demand

Nobody react well to feeling forced. When you need your husband’s buy-in, gently propose options versus demanding compliance. Request his thoughts and give him ownership over the final decision.

Research on spousal negotiations found the “suggesting” approach led to more cooperative outcomes than direct demands. People want to feel autonomous even in relationships. Allow your husband to sincerely agree rather than just acquiesce.

Avoid ultimatums if possible. A casual “what do you think about X?” is better than “you have to do X.” Make it comfortable for him to say yes at his own pace.

4. Express Genuine Appreciation

Thank your husband sincerely for the things he does right. Note past instances where he came through for you or supported your decisions. Recognize his good qualities and all he contributes.

Studies show relationships where partners gave frequent appreciation were more satisfying and stable. Expressing gratitude strengthens bonds of goodwill between people.

Your husband will be more open to doing more favors if he feels consistently valued. Thank him for listening without judgement during disagreements too. Appreciation lubricates the process of gaining agreement.

5. Present A Balanced Perspective

When trying to persuade your husband, show you understand multiple viewpoints – not just your own. Discuss both sides of an issue in a fair, even-handed way. Indicate where you see validity in alternative positions.

Research finds people consider sources more credible and decisions better when different relevant perspectives were represented. Presenting balance reduces defensiveness and intellectualization.

Even if you ultimately want to advocate your viewpoint, demonstrating you understand dissent builds trust in your objectivity and advice. Balance also gives your husband room to identify with parts of your analysis.

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6. Make “We” Statements

Refer to yourself and your husband as a united team whenever possible rather than as adversaries. Frame discussions as a shared challenge you both want to solve cooperatively.

Studies show using plural pronouns like “we” and “our” triggers people’s innate desire for group affiliation and cooperation. It satisfies psychological needs for belonging and togetherness even in tension.

Say things like “How can we make this work for both of us?” rather than demands phrased as “you must do this.” Narrate the discussion/situation from your joint perspective as a loving partnership. Cooperative language primes cooperative mindsets.

In Closing

With patience and understanding, you can effectively influence your husband’s viewpoint on important matters through respect, trust-building, and appealing to shared priorities. Listening non-defensively, expressing appreciation, and proposing solutions cooperatively increases the chances he will side with you in the end. Focus on understanding rather than being understood to achieve agreement.

How did you find this article? Please let me know if you have any other questions! I aim to provide helpful relationship advice backed by scholarly research. Wishing you the very best in enhancing communication and cooperation with your husband.


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