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12 Critical Mistakes Couples Make During Argument


Marriage is a lovely union that calls for love, endurance, and comprehension. However, disagreements and arguments are inevitable in any relationship, especially in a marriage. While some couples may argue constructively, many fall into the trap of making mistakes that can damage their relationship. As a professional, I have analyzed and compiled a list of the top 12 common mistakes couples make during an argument.

Arguing is not necessarily a negative aspect of a relationship, but it is how we handle disagreements that can make or break a marriage. Whether we are aware of it or not, our attitude and communication style during an argument can significantly affect the outcome. It is vital to recognize the common mistakes that we make when arguing and learn how to avoid them.

This blog post aims to educate married couples on the common mistakes they make in arguments and how to rectify them. It is not meant to undermine any relationship or portray couples in a negative light. Instead, it is a guide that can help teams communicate more effectively and strengthen their bond.

Arguments in marriage

Arguments are a natural and inevitable part of any marriage. They can range from minor disagreements to major conflicts, but it’s how couples handle and avoid mistakes couples make during arguments that determine the health and longevity of the marriage. One key aspect of handling arguments healthily is effective communication. This involves actively listening to the other person’s perspective, expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly, and avoiding blame and criticism. It’s important to keep in mind that the goal of an argument should be to find a resolution rather than to “win” or be proven right.

Another important aspect of handling arguments healthily is taking a break when necessary. If emotions are running high and the argument is becoming heated, taking a step back and allowing each other to cool down can be helpful. This can mean taking a brief break from the conversation or even ending the discussion for the day and revisiting it when both parties are in a calmer state of mind. It’s important to remember that taking a break does not mean avoiding the issue altogether, but rather approaching it with a clearer and more level-headed perspective. By practicing effective communication and taking breaks when necessary, they can healthily handle the common mistakes couples make during an argument thereby strengthening their marriage in the process.

Possible causes of Argumenet In most marriages

Couples can have arguments for a variety of reasons. Here are some common reasons:

  • Communication breakdown: Communication problems are a common cause of arguments. If one partner feels like they’re not being heard or understood, it can lead to frustration and tension.
  • Differences in values or beliefs: Differences in values or beliefs can cause conflict, particularly if one partner feels like the other’s beliefs are in opposition to their own.
  • Financial issues: Money is a common source of stress in marriage and other forms of relationships, particularly if there are differences in spending habits, financial goals, or income levels.
  • Infidelity or betrayal: Infidelity or other forms of betrayal can cause intense emotional pain and lead to arguments and conflict.
  • Household responsibilities: Differences in household responsibilities, such as chores or child-rearing, can lead to arguments if one partner feels like they’re shouldering more of the burden than the other.
  • Jealousy: Jealousy can cause arguments, particularly if one partner feels like the other is flirting with or paying too much attention to someone else.
  • In-laws or family issues: In-laws or other family members can cause conflict in a marriage if one partner feels like their spouse is taking their side or not setting appropriate boundaries.
  • Personal differences: Personal differences, such as different personalities or hobbies, can lead to conflict if one partner feels like the other is not supportive or interested.

Tips for handling arguments in marriages


Handling arguments in marriages can be challenging, but several tips can help couples navigate conflicts and work towards resolving issues

Handling arguments in marriages can be challenging, but several tips can help deal with the common mistakes couples make during an argument and work towards resolving issues. Here are some tips for handling arguments in marriages:

  • Keep your tone respectful: It’s important to maintain a respectful tone when arguing. Avoid using insulting or condescending language, and listen actively to your partner’s perspective.
  • Take a break: If the argument is escalating or becoming too heated, take a break and come back to the discussion later when emotions have cooled down.
  • Practice active listening: Make sure you’re actively listening to your partner and trying to understand their perspective. This can help de-escalate the argument and find a resolution.
  • Don’t bring up past grievances: Avoid bringing up past issues or mistakes during an argument, as this can be counterproductive and escalate the situation.
  • Focus on the present issue: Keep the focus of the argument on the present issue and avoid bringing up unrelated topics or issues.
  • Take responsibility: Be willing to take responsibility for your role in the argument and apologize when necessary.
  • Avoid making assumptions: Try to avoid making assumptions about your partner’s motives or intentions, and ask clarifying questions instead.
  • Look for compromise: Be open to finding a compromise that works for both partners, rather than trying to “win” the argument.
  • Use “I” statements: Use “I” statements to express your feelings and perspective, rather than placing blame on your partner.
  • Seek outside help if needed: If you’re struggling to resolve conflicts or arguments, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor who specializes in couples therapy.
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12 Mistakes Married Couples Make When Arguing

During an argument, it’s easy for couples to fall into common mistakes that can make the situation worse. Couples need to recognize these mistakes and work on communication skills to avoid them in the future. This can include active listening, using “I” statements instead of blaming language, and taking breaks when emotions are running high. By avoiding these common mistakes, couples can have more productive arguments and strengthen their relationship in the process.

Here are 12 common mistakes married couples make during an argument and how to avoid them:

1. Interrupting your partner

Interrupting your partner during an argument is something that can easily happen when emotions run high. Understandably, you may feel the need to interject and defend your position, but it’s important to recognize the impact this can have on the conversation.

When you interrupt your partner, you convey a message that you’re not interested in what they have to say or that your thoughts and feelings are more important than theirs. This can quickly escalate the argument, leading to more hurt feelings and potentially damaging the relationship. This alone is one of the basic mistakes couples make during an argument which regularly has an impact on the marriage.
To avoid interrupting your partner during an argument, it’s important to practice active listening. This means consciously hearing what your partner is saying, without mentally preparing your rebuttal. Try to focus on their words and body language, and show that you understand by repeating back what you’ve heard. This can help your partner feel acknowledged and validated, allowing for a more productive and respectful conversation. Remember, by giving your partner the space to express their thoughts and feelings, you’re also creating an opportunity for them to better understand your perspective as well.

2. Using mockery words

When engaging in an argument, it can be easy to let your emotions take over and resort to using mocking language or insults. However, this can be counterproductive and may escalate the situation further. It’s important to approach the discussion with respect and a willingness to listen to the other person’s perspective.
One way to do this is to focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You’re being ridiculous,” try saying “I feel frustrated because I don’t understand your point of view.” This helps to avoid placing blame and instead focus on your feelings and experiences. Additionally, make sure to actively listen to the other person and ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective.
By approaching the argument with respect and open-mindedness, you increase the chances of finding a resolution that works for both parties.

3. Bringing up the past 

It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment during an argument and bring up past issues or mistakes. However, doing so can be counterproductive and make the argument worse. When we bring up past incidents, we not only distract from the current issue at hand but also create a bigger emotional burden for the person we are arguing with. Instead of focusing on resolving the current disagreement, we end up rehashing old wounds and deepening the divide between us.
Furthermore, bringing up past issues can be seen as disrespectful and dismissive of the other person’s growth and change. People are capable of learning from their mistakes and evolving as individuals, and bringing up past issues may invalidate their efforts to improve.
We should acknowledge the progress that we have made and focus on moving forward instead of dwelling on past mistakes. In conclusion, it is essential to communicate effectively during an argument without bringing up past issues or mistakes. This approach will help lead to a more productive conversation, resolve the current issue, and strengthen the relationship.

4. Assigning blames  

When problems arise in a marriage or relationship, it’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming your partner for everything that’s gone wrong. However, this approach rarely solves anything and can cause more harm than good. Blaming your partner can make them feel defensive and attacked, which only serves to escalate the problem.

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Instead, it’s important to focus on finding a solution together. This means acknowledging that both partners play a role in the issue and working collaboratively to identify and address the underlying problems. By adopting a problem-solving approach, couples can communicate more effectively and work towards building a stronger, healthier relationship. It may require compromise and a willingness to work together, but it’s worth it in the end for a more fulfilling relationship.

5. Reacting Emotionally 

Reacting emotionally during an argument can be counterproductive and make it more difficult to resolve. Crying, or becoming defensive can escalate the situation and cause the other person to become defensive as well. This can create a cycle of negative emotions and prevent effective communication from taking place.

To avoid this, it’s important to stay calm and focused during an argument. Take deep breaths, listen actively to the other person’s perspective, and try to remain objective. This doesn’t mean that you should suppress your emotions entirely, but rather that you should find a way to express them constructively. By staying calm and focused, you can prevent the argument from spiralling out of control and increase the likelihood of finding a solution that satisfies both parties.

6. Making assumptions 

Assumptions can be dangerous in any relationship, as they often lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. In romantic relationships, it is especially important to avoid making assumptions about your partner’s intentions or feelings. When we assume that our partner meant something hurtful or was intentionally trying to upset us, we can become defensive and angry, which can escalate the situation and make it even more difficult to resolve.
One way to avoid misunderstandings and assumptions is to practice clear communication. This means being honest and direct about your thoughts and feelings and actively listening to your partner without judgment or defensiveness. It can be helpful to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements, as this can help prevent blaming or attacking. For example, instead of saying “You always ignore me when we’re with your friends,” you could say “I feel ignored when we’re with your friends, and it makes me sad.” This method can assist your spouse comprehend your point of view without making them feel attacked or defensive. Overall, clear communication and avoiding assumptions can help strengthen your relationship and promote a deeper understanding and connection with your partner.

7. Refusing to compromise

When couples enter into an argument, it’s natural for both parties to feel strongly about their views and beliefs. However, refusing to compromise can lead to a stalemate that can negatively impact the relationship. When each partner is too focused on being right and winning the argument, they may fail to see the bigger picture and the potential damage that can be done to their relationship. This is one of the critical mistakes couples make during an argument.

Any successful relationship must include some level of compromise. It requires both parties to be willing to negotiate and find a solution that works for both of them. When couples are unable to compromise, they may become stuck in a cycle of arguing and resentment, which can lead to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction. By taking a step back and considering the other person’s perspective, couples can work together to find a resolution that satisfies both parties and strengthens their relationship.

Ultimately, being flexible and willing to compromise can help couples navigate disagreements and build a stronger foundation for their future together.

8. Using ultimatums

When it comes to communication in relationships, ultimatums are often seen as a last resort. While it may seem like an effective way to get what you want, ultimatums can do more harm than good. By threatening to leave or take drastic action if your partner doesn’t comply with your demands, you are essentially putting them in a no-win situation. This can create feelings of resentment and ultimately lead to a breakdown in the marriage or relationship.
Instead of resorting to ultimatums, it’s important to focus on finding a solution that works for both partners. This entails candid communication, attentive listening, and a readiness to compromise. By working together to find a solution, you can strengthen your relationship and build a stronger foundation for the future. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding, not on threats and ultimatums.

9. Withholding affection 

One of the common mistakes couples make during an argument is withholding affection or giving each other the silent treatment. This behaviour can be hurtful and can make the other person feel unimportant, leading to further issues in the relationship.

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To avoid this mistake, couples need to communicate openly and honestly, even when discussing difficult topics. It’s crucial to express how you feel without attacking your partner or being defensive. It’s important to listen actively and try to understand your partner’s point of view as well. This can help both parties reach a resolution and move forward positively. Additionally, showing affection and support, even during disagreements, can help strengthen the relationship and make both partners feel valued and loved.

10. Not listening  

One of the most common mistakes couples make during an argument is failing to listen to their partner's perspective.

One of the most common mistakes couples make during an argument is failing to listen to their partner’s perspective. When people feel that they are not being heard, they may become frustrated, defensive, or even angry. This, in turn, can escalate the conflict and prevent a productive resolution. Failing to listen to your partner’s perspective may also create a sense of disrespect.

When one person dismisses another’s thoughts, feelings, or experiences, it can make the other person feel unimportant or undervalued. This can lead to a breakdown in trust and intimacy, which can harm the relationship in the long run. Therefore, it is crucial to practice active listening during an argument. This means giving your partner your full attention, asking questions, and rephrasing their statements to ensure that you understand their perspective. By doing so, you can show your partner that you value their opinion and are committed to finding a solution together.

11. Yelling or shouting 

When it comes to arguments in a relationship, yelling can often be a counterproductive approach. It can lead to an escalation of the argument, making it more difficult to find a resolution. Additionally, yelling can be hurtful and damaging to the relationship/marriage, as it can make the other person feel attacked and defensive. Instead of yelling, it can be helpful to take a step back and try to communicate more calmly. This can involve taking deep breaths, using a softer tone of voice, and actively listening to the other person’s perspective.

By remaining calm and open-minded, it can be easier to find common ground and work towards a solution that satisfies both partners. It is important to remember that arguments are a natural part of any relationship, but how they are handled can make all the difference in maintaining a healthy and happy partnership.

12. Using negative body language 

Negative body language is one of the most common mistakes couples make during an argument. Rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, frowning, and other negative expressions convey disrespect, and they can make a bad situation worse. When one partner uses negative body language, it can trigger the other partner to become defensive. This can cause the argument to escalate, and the couple may lose sight of the initial issue.

Using positive body language can help prevent misunderstandings during an argument. Positive body language includes open body positioning, maintaining eye contact, nodding in agreement, and using a calm tone of voice. When one partner uses positive body language, it can diffuse the tension and create an atmosphere of mutual respect. This can help the couple to stay focused on the issue at hand and communicate their needs and feelings effectively. By using positive body language, couples can work towards resolving their differences and finding common ground.


In conclusion, arguments are bound to happen in any relationship. However, it’s important to avoid these critical mistakes that couples make during arguments. By becoming more aware of these mistakes, we can work towards better communication and understanding with our partners. Remember to listen actively, validate each other’s feelings, take breaks when needed, and practice empathy and kindness towards one another. With intentional effort and a willingness to learn and grow together, couples can strengthen their relationships and navigate conflicts more healthily.



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